Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
