I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
