you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
the raccoons are back...
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