We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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