she was so not down for the gang bang
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
