I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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