just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
