YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You need a sexual gate keeper
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
