is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
