im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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