I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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