HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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