I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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