also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
