If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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