If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
