But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
