he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
