i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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