...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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