Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
