I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
