People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
