Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
