I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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