This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
