I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And then my night got REAL pukey
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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