i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
