then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
