i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
