he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
