PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
