I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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