I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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