I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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