OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The police scanner is talking about you again....
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
