im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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