wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
