So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
