Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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