the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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