Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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