I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
