I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
