and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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