your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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