I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
