you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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