the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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