Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That accounts for only three of the penises
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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