He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
