The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
they're like a gay fantastic four
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
