sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We are all done wearing pants today
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
