omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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