At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
