I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
