Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
