Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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