Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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