I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
