My first STD was from a foam party
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
