I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
