ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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