Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize