check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
