I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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