Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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