): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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