I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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