His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
