So drunk its hurt
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
