Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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