dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
