Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize