i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i came on her dog
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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