come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
