she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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