peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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