We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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