Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
