Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
