I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This is my gift to your gina
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
