y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
