If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im six kinds of drunk right now
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
