I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
