Buhtt sex?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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