Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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