U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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