I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
