No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
